TWENTY-ONE

“Birthday means I feel happy and sad at the same time”

Twenty-one years ago my mom born me into this world. The first time I saw light and breathe oxygen. A day I was given a beautiful gift by Allah called “LIFE”. Welcome world! Then that twenty-one years have passed, many things happened, I’ve grown up and walked until this time. And on this 21st birthday, I think I have some feelings, I don't know what it is called, the thing that I know is I feel happy and sad at the same time.

I'm happy because I'm still breathing, see the sunrise every morning, walk my day every day and sleep tight every night, I'm happy because I'm still life J. More than this, as other people’s birthdays, I got many greetings, many surprises, and gifts. Feel so grateful surrounded by kind and caring people. I can't count how many prayers I got, but I can show you some of the precious people who made my day J

My day was started with beautiful words from my parents. Their hope and prayer is the most important thing I wait for, it's more than everything.

And in 9-12-2015, 05.10 pm evening on my office

“Ersi let's go home quickly,” Mb Eni said. I walked to the parking area quickly, but when I haven't caught the yard yet suddenly my other friend who stood behind me threw something on my head, then a bad smell spread. What was that stuff? They threw it, again and again, I just realized it was eggs. Yess expired eggs, you have to imagine how bad the smell was! Not only eggs but they also pour me water which was combined with coffee and oil. And for the closing, they showered me with much water like I took a bath. But in the end, they gave me a cake. It was like a tradition in my office, birthday means you have to be ready for the egg + water joke. Thank you team J

09-12-2015, 07.30 pm in my room.

I just finished clearing myself from that egg virus then I looked for my roommate, Asta. I haven't seen her since I came. I texted her, “Where are you ta?” and she replied “Eating with my friendS”. Well okay, I wasn't suspicious. Then turned up the music until my neighbor Novi came, she asked me for helping her did her task about her task. And when I did it seriously Asta and Ovi suddenly come and sang a birthday song. They brought doughnuts with some candles on it. It was a cute doughnut.

They told me the meaning of the doughnuts, “Happy 21st Birthday  Ersi Handayani (Sangiel Chukahamnida is Korean Language) who love Super Junior especially Kyuhyun. The girl who likes all about the Eiffel tower. Hope you can meet your soulmate as soon as possible and watch Super Junior’s concert. I know you like listening to music, and hugging a bear doll when sleeping”.  Hugged them :*

10-12-2015, 08.15 pm at my campus

The day has changed and I thought that was enough surprise, I'm was happy.  I went to campus, as usual, attended class, listened to the lecturer, and noted the lesson. But when I would leave the class suddenly Hafid came from behind the door and brought chocolate cake. Dian, Danang and Kak Nanas followed him while sang Happy birthday. I little bit felt surprised, I thought they didn't pay attention to my birthday because of our awkward friendship lately.  But no, I was false, they still remembered it. They shook my hand and hugged me (except the boys of course). Then Danang gave me a gift, “This is from us si” he said. I opened it and laughed. Do you know what the gift is? Purse! They gave me a purse because I just lost it. You know me so well guys haha. Not only one, but Dian also gave me a present “This is a special gift from me Si, thank you for always being my side, I am sure you will like that present, I hope you can go there someday. So when you feel lazy just see that and collect your spirit” she said. Well, I opened that present, yeaah an Eiffel, she gave me a miniature of Eiffel together. Thank you, dudes! Let's make effort together.

13-12-2015, 07.20 am on my room

Sunday morning means I am allowed to wake up late. I just woke up at 7am. Lazily I swept my room with my half awareness. Then without any prediction someone came behind the door and brought a cake, Ella! She came on that morning and gave me that happiness. It was late celebrating but worth it. I surprised. Btw it was fake photo, I actually was on shame face when Ella came, then took bath, touched up, and took these pictures haha

She also made me this cool handmade souvenir and gave me a gift. Thankies mblo! :*

Yeah, it was some happiness on my birthday. I don't mean to show off or anything else. I just want to appreciate and say thank you so much for all those people. I'm blessed surrounded by them:”.

But I don't know why, when I would sleep in the night, the other side of mine felt sad. I tried to say it to myself “You have to be grateful si, they care about you” I said it again and again. But it didn't work. I felt like there was something lost.

Feeling frightened of the things that I don't know – Flashlight, Jessie J

I tried laying on my bed and closing my eyes, but I awoke. I tried another way, turning off the light then listening to the ballad song. “One song can recall a million memories”. That's true

I just realized something, I have lost my time! Birthday means you are being older and your time is shorter. Yeah 21 years old is not a teenager age anymore. It's an age that most people called as mature phase. An age that I have more responsibilities and more things to be achieved. An age that decides my future. It sounds hard, I just missed my childhood by the way. A time when I didn't have to worry about anything and what would happen later, I just need to laugh and play as long as I want, cry is not a matter cause I would stop it by the time when I got candy, ballons, or something that I want, as simple as that. In my mind, I still feel like my parents’ little girl and can't face this world which become wilder.

I seem like an adult, but I'm really a child that is really tall – Sober, Big Bang

Being older is an exact thing, isn’t it? Everyone must be older every day. Then why am I afraid? No, maybe I'm not afraid for being older but I'm afraid of things –when I'm being older I can't be a mature woman-. I'm afraid I can't be a person like what I’ve planned to and can’t achieve my goals.

But I thought again, life is a process, right? You won't get anything without any process. Just let it grow and flow then give the best process. This birthday means a time that must make me wiser to decide everything and face failure and bad times strongly.

The best thing to predict our future is to create it – Anonym