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Have you ever give a question to your self about “what birthday means to you”? Should we be happy because on that date some years ago, we born in this world or should we be sad because our time in this world just be taken 1 year? I’ve been thinking about it since a month ago. Well finally the day is coming. Today is my birthday dudeeeee. Well okay, be happy or not Im being older now. Congrats me! If I were in 3 or 4 years ago I would hang out with my friends now, have some food, laughing, and they would give me a cake or hit me with egg. But now, are you wonder what I am doing?

As we grow up I am sure that everybody has faced many thing whether bad or good and it would change on the way we thinking. I feel it now. In my birthday eve I’ve reflect myself much, I thought about what I’ve done through this year include my achievement, the good thing I’ve done, and how my people love me through my curve and edge. It makes me smile and be thankful for having such a amazing time and people like them. And also about my mistake, failure, and discourage, it makes me on tears and regret it. I just thought about how hard that time and the struggle I made to pass it, but however I’ve walked this far and reach this age. Those bright and dark time have given me a lesson for I am being right now.

Then I think about being a better person. I started watching the “kultum” from my favorite “Ustadz” about life lesson and I cried a lot. It slapped me on my face and realized me how I Ignore my God often, about my sin, my fault and how I spent my time in wasting. It disappoints me. It makes me thinking more about the meaning of birthday. Now I think that birthday is more about reflecting the time that Allah has given to me and how to be better in the new age, I try to minimize the celebrating and that kind of stuff, at least for this time and age.

I turned of the birthday notification in my facebook account, and update nothing in my social media (except this blog of course). So it likes "a selecting mode" to see the real our people, because only the closest people will remember my birthday and I think it will be more special J And believe or not along this day only my parents that remember it and say happy birth day to me, once again I cried. It proofs that family always come first. And also I don’t blame for them who don’t give a greet or maybe they would greet it in last time tonight, I am not. I know that everyone has their own business and many thing to be done, I still love them in many ways then.

Later on this day I be the volunteer for teaching orphanage children, give some kindness for unlucky people in the road and just stay at home all day long for watching movie and meaningful video. And this is the important thing I did (as the picture of this post). I don’t know this is funny or not but I think I will laugh on in later. On this night I treat myself with a good food and make up. I realize one thing that “We must love our self before anyone else can”. I bought some make up and skincare before, then I prepare myself in good clothes, put my make up, then go the café that I never tried before, alone, yes alone. Ordering good food like pasta carbonara, onion rings, ayam geprek, sweet tea and listen to the nice songs. People might think that I am insane ordering those food on my own (lol). But this is the way I give a gift for myself after the time I’ve passed. And do you know what it feels? It makes me better, feel like I am copying my stress and feel relax. No , I will not say I am an introvert or anti social, it just the way I choose to celebrate my birthday and give "a me-time" also reflect my self. And I think it is more meaningful. Happy birthday me! Keep going on whatever a good thing you do, be better and grow up well. You deserve all the good thing. I love you.